College Confessions

sh*t's getting personal.

I don't know who it was that invented the phrase, "Freshman 15" but it was probably a girl, probably a girl who partied a lot, and probably a girl who partied a lot and enjoyed the occasional (three times a day) mexican food platter. Well my friends, I am no freshman. I'm a junior. In fact, freshman year, I LOST weight. HAH. Yes, somewhere between dorm food, free food, and late nights at Josie's, I managed to decrease my adipose percentage. I mean, yes, Tech is the 2nd largest campus in the nation, hence you have to practically hike between classes, but it's still typically weird if you lose weight freshmen year.

Then junior year rolls around.

By junior year, I feel like you are supposed to have things figured out. You made the freshman rookie mistakes, and then had another year to get familiarized even more, and by the time you're a junior, you're an upperclassmen and should have everything chiseled to a fine art. This includes the art of eating, drinking, and still being @ $kInNY B!+

And then there are those juniors that still forget to buy an orange scantron for tests (me yesterday), sit in the wrong class on the first day of school (me this semester), and even somehow gain the daunting, much feared, but ever present, freshmen lbz. Also me.

When I came home Christmas break 2010, I thought I was fat. Not fat, but not like ecstatic about my body, just like normal/indifferent about it. My mom is always that mom that no matter what you look like, says: YOU LOOK GREAT! YOU LOOK SO THIN! I appreciate a mom who lies sweet nothings to me. I should have taken that complement more to heart. Instead I do what I always do and say something to the affect of, NO I DON'T MOM I'M A LARD. Healthy daily mantras.

So there I was last christmas walking around with my hot pants on, lah tee dah. 2011 continues month by month, and every month I realize that it was the best month ever. I have had such a blessed, amazing, fun, and wonderful year; definitely one of the best years of my life. But while I was prancing about Lubbock, it hardly occurred to me that I was gaining those freshman layers. Plus I worked out! I mean, who gains weight when they work out right???? Pshhh. I just think I'm 6 ft tall and queso proof.

The other day, I was pulling on some high waisted flared linen pants I bought at H&M in Boston. And to my surprise, they barely buttoned. Barley. Buttoned. It was then that my inner conscious-voice whispered @#$%^&*((*&^%$#@#$%^&*( into my ear. I immediately hauled my f@t jolly ass downstairs to the gym in my apartment. Holding a large Fuzzy's Taco Shop cup full ice water. It was like I was screaming to everyone else in the gym, I AM HOLDING A FUZZYS CUP. I HOLD IN MY HAND THE CULPRIT OF WHY I AM WORKING OUT.

All those coupons for free queso, which is like tasting liquid heaven by the way, finally did me in. Although I didn't gain an entire 15 pounds, I gained just enough to piss myself off.

In times like these, I like to call upon my friends that make self-loathing jokes even more than I do. THIS WOULD NOT INCLUDE MY ROOMMATE WHO LOST 10 POUNDS OVER NIGHT THIS SEMESTER, YOU BITCH. Rather, another friend, one of my favorite ginger friends, in fact. This girl is by no means even remotely chubby, but she always partakes in the self-loathe jokes, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

We've taken to working out together most days of the week, so watch out world, I'm on a health-kick.

Although I gained, what is a noticeable amount in my mind, my boyfriend sweetly lies to me and tell me he doens't notice. To which, I politely scream, "JUST ADMIT IT, I'M A COW." He knows he can't win no matter what he says, and that is probably why we have lasted so long. I found someone who puts up with me.

On my first day going through rush, I met 2 of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen in my life. Naturally, I wanted to kill myself. It is in these times, that I like to remind myself that even these girls gained weight this year with me.

I like that.

So there you have it. My college confession. I gained weight. Something I like to call "happy pounds" because I had the time of my life packing on my "winter coat." Some of the best memories of my life are from this year! It's not like this was Kirstie Alley-style, in a dark closet in hiding eating a stick of butter, while my children were asleep upstairs. No no no, I was definitely surrounded by people, alcohol, and Canes special sauce, at all times this semester.

I bet Kate Middleton didn't gain the freshman 15 when she was in college. No no no, she was too busy parading about, wearing fancy hats, talking about important things with a British accent.