Slim Your Cereal

I've always been a level 10 fan of cereal, but lately I've really tweaked the way I eat it. Making it a little healthier, mind you. Don't worry, I'm not saying to get some buckwheat and broccoli and throw some milk on it or anything, no no no. Just simple tweaks and you can make your morning bowl more satisfying. 

Fun Ingredients 

Meet almond milk, Americans. Almond milk tastes just as good in your cereal as cow milk, but it's like... ridiculously low in calories. If you're a hard @ss like me, you'll stick to the unsweetened kind, which is the lowest in calories--35. The vanilla has 90, which I'm sure tastes better alone, but we are talking about cereal here, people. 

Frozen fruit. Buy it. Always have it. Life staple. Once again, buy the unsweetened kind. Why buy frozen fruit if you're going to get the sugary kind and cancel out all the fun low calorie benefits???? 

Fiber One cereal has this uncanny ability to taste like normal cereal but have about 239402 grams of fiber in 1 serving. And look at that big bold number on the box! 80 calories! That is great. So yes, while Lucky Charms still probably taste better just remember this little jingle as you undergo spiritual warfare in the cereal aisle: heart, stars, and horse shoes, clovers and blue moons, pots of golden rainbows, AND A BIG FAT ASS. You'll choose Fiber One every time. 

Fun Instructions

So what I do is pour a bowl of frozen fruit, pretending it's cereal. AKA about a cup of the frozen fruit. Then pour the all-powerful almond milk over it. Then pour the the cereal, covering all of the top of the fruit. Roughly a half a cup-ish??? Depends on the size of bowl and how hungry you are I guess.

Fun Rant

Basically what you have here is the skinnyb!tch version of your 2% milk and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Speaking of Skinny Bitch..........

I came across this book in the SUB today and laughed out loud. Seriously, who published this book???????? It reminds me of a SNL skit. Am I the only one who thinks this? It's just that the title of this book is so cheeky and sarcastic, but the typeface, picture, and overall aesthetic of the bookcover is so classic and simple, the book might as well be titled "Barefoot Contessa" AM I RIGHT???? You see it among the other classic simple cookbooks just like this, and at first glance you think "Oh another cookbook" and then you see the title and it says "Bitch" on the front, and it just kind of throws you off?????? I think Kim Barnouin would've benefitted by sticking with her skinny-in-the-black-dress cartoon girl holding a plate of cartoon food or something. 

Another thing::::: SKINNY BITCH IS ALL ABOUT VEGANISM BUT THAT IS NO WHERE ON THE COVER. MISLEADING. FALSE ADVERTISING. Some poor middle aged woman bought this cookbook thinking "Yay, I'm going to be a skinny bitch!" Went home, and realized she doesn't have grasswheat shots stocked in her cupboard, nor the willpower to forgo honey, beef, or Burts bee's chapstick. 

AAND another thing:::: "Bod"... the last line says "bod." BOD is not a word. BOD is an abbreviation for BODY. Why does this bother me so much??? Maybe because the cartoon is peeking up and ruining the view of the grapes, I don't know, but BOD is lazy, JUST PUT BODY. ... YYYYYYYYYYYY. 

Also, PS, cute tribal tattoo.

not.

sorry, kim b.