I had a mid-first-last-day-of-school-life-crisis today. It's my senior year. Of college. And by some curse/blessing I am graduating on time. May 2013. UNLESS I CHANGE MY MAJOR RIGHT QUICK!~!~!~!~!~!~! So that means I have to figure out my early-mid twenties life style, preferably before May 2013. I don't know how I feel about that. Living off of my parents until I meet someone else who can pay for my shoes is ideal. The thought of paying for my own iTunes music, rent, Starbucks drinks, etc., is a mild to moderately terrifying concept for this twenty-something sorority girl to grasp. I start to think about how this is my LAST YEAR OF COLLEGE and I feel a small stab in my stomach. I quickly start to have rapid mental screaming thoughts, something to the effect of:
"HAVE I ATTENDED ENOUGH FREE FOOTBALL GAMES? DO I KNOW HOW TO EVEN CHECK OUT A LIBRARY BOOK?? HAVE I YOLO'D ENOUGH?!?! HAVE I TRIED EVERY SHOT AT MESQUITES??? DID I USE UP ALL THE COUPONS FROM MY BARNES AND NOBLE COUPON BOOKS??? DID I WEAR ALL MY FAVORITE GAME-DAY OUTFITS??? DID I TRY HARD ENOUGH IN SCHOOL???? DID I EVER ATTEND OFFICE HOURS??? DID I GET TRANNY FABULOUS EVERY SPRING BREAK??? DID I SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON BROADWAY AND NOT ENOUGH ON THE DEPOT??? OR CHURCH?? HAVE I PICKED OUT A FAVORITE CHURCH YET???? HAVE I INSTAGRAMMED MEMORIAL CIRCLE YET??? SHOULD I GO TO A TAB EVENT??? SHOUD I START SAVING ISSUES OF THE DT TO SHOW MY GRANDCHILDREN??? SHOULD I ORDER FREE SAMPLES OF THAT HANGOVER CURE PILL THAT KEEPS COMING UP ON MY FACEBOOK ADVERTISEMENTS????????????????
Anyone else having a panic attack about this being the LAST YEAR. THE FINAL SUPPER. This is just as traumatic for me as the last Harry Potter movie coming out.
I remember being a senior in high school.
|There I am. Graduation day. So excited for life ahead of me.|
Graduating high school was fun. Being a senior in high school was sober fun of busy body activities that at the time you think are important. You've got your cap and gown, and you are PUMPED AS HAYLE to live on your own, not have a curfew, and have easy access to sugary fatty food and drank round the clizzock.
Graduating senior year of college is anxiety, panic, death, anarchy, corruption, fire, bombs, disease, pain, charley horses, night sweats, and strife. To sum it up briefly. GOOD FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING THE DAY AFTER YOU GRADUATE, I AM SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU.
In fact just the other day, I was talking to an incoming freshmen (#rush) and once she found out I was a senior, she quickly asked my post-grad plans.
"Ohhh, I don't know yet."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
She said she was sorry. She apologized. UM YOU'RE FORGIVEN I GUESS? SORRY FOR WHAT MIGHT I ASK?? I AM FABULOUS????????????? YOUNG BROKE AND EFFING FABULOUS?????????????????????????????????? whtvr.
I'm reminded of a scene in one of my favorite movies, The Holiday.
The scene in the very beginning when Cam Diaz is having an episode.
"I'm fine. I'm just freaking out a little bit."
That's about how I feel about the situation. I really am fine. I'M JUST FREAKING OUT A LITTLE BIT.
Might I point out this is a two-sided panic attack. On one side, I have until May to check off the items from my "senior year bucket list." You know, yolo shenanigans, and really making sure I have a lot of regrets and make a lot of young-person mistakes before I have to live on my own and be responsible. On the other side, while I'm making these young-person life mistakes, I have to take time to figure out exactly what I want to do afterwards. After graduation. The after life. This side is probably more important than checking off my senior bucket list.
So what do I want to do when I grow up. Let's see.. major: advertising. Minor: spanish. This white girl has her iPhone set to espanol, and I'd like to test the waters and see how far that gets me in life. I like to write. I like magazines. AM I SOLID ENOUGH TO WRITE FOR A MAGAZINE??? SHOULD I TAK THE GSP TEST AGAIN???? *panic attack* I also like social media and marketing. And words. And copy writing. I've dabbed my toe in the arts of photoshop, and made an A in layout and design, BUT AM BY NO MEANS A GRAPHIC DESIGNER, NOR AM I AD AGENCY MATERIAL IN THAT SENSE *hyperventilates* I like to blog, and in this day and age you actually CAN make a living off blogging. I also like clothes and fashion, and I've been known to throw a mean outfit together for a customer in need, BUT LIKE I'D LIKE TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO EAT EVERY NOW AND THEN *seizures*
Today, the first day of my senior year. Something semi funny-horrific happened. I was sitting at the end of an isle seat, at the top of the class, next to a descending carpet staircase. Well, I didn't realize just how close I was to the stair case, and I backed up my rolling chair right into the downward staircase, and suffered a mild crash-chair-body-floor situation right after the professor said "Class is dismissed early today" soooooooooooOoOoOo Hope everyone feels better about themselves right about now. Fell into a staircase while my body was in a chair, it's fine.