Runs with lipstick

5.14.2013

Just be pale.

There is nothing wrong with being tan.

Unless you're naturally pale. I think people (girls) are under the impression that if you are tan, you are cool and beautiful.

What they aren't aware of, is if that you are tan you look like this:

the "i'm going through a phase" shade

the "everything you touch turns orange" shade

reminds me of desert

50 shades of skin cancer

apricot face

carrot human

after you scrape off the burnt part of toast

Girls should just be pale.

Or whatever color their skin is without having to pay someone to lay in a machine that ages you and gives you premature wrinkles. Nothing says "I AM TRYING SO HARD TO IMPRESS EVERYONE" quite like a tanning bed.

Take a lesson from The Few, The Proud...... ~~the marines~~ er pale bitches.

Nasty Gal lookbook 2013--A PALE MERMAID FROLICKING IN THE OCEAN. YES. ON POINT.

HER LEG ISN'T EVEN IN THE PIC AND IT'S STUNNING

LIKE THE FEMALE VERSION OF THE AMERICAN FLAG.

MIGHT AS WELL BE A GUCCI SPF 90 AD

ONCE REGINA GEORGE WORE ARMY PANTS AND FLIP FLOPS AND WAS PALE SO I WORE ARMY PANTS AND FLIP FLOPS AND WAS PALE.

SOME PALE BAD ASS IN A HAT

Be kind to yourself this summer. Wear sunscreen. Every day. Wear a hat. Your 50 year old nearly-wrinkle-free self will thank you.

5.12.2013

Letters to Miley, Amanda and Badgalriri

Dear Miley Cyrus (leader of Smilers),

Has your hair cut gone to your head???? Your on and off engagement, tweet-preaching and TWITTER BIO are all just getting out of hand.

WHY MILEY??? WHY????? FIRST OF ALL---THIS YOUNG JOC/MIKE JONES SONG DATES BACK TO THE PREHISTORIC ERA--WHEN YOU WERE STILL FASHIONING YOURSELF AS HANNAH MONTANA.

SECOND OF ALL--I BELIEVE YOU MADE A TYPO. WHERE IT SAYS "BIG" BEHIND. YOUR 90 LB SPIKED HAIR ASS IS NOT "BIG" AND FOR YOU TO ACCENTUATE THAT IN ALL CAPS IS HILARIOUS. IT'S COMEDY.

THIRDLY---ROSWELL????????????? ROSWELL??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHY??????????????????????? NEW MEXICO??????? ARE YOU SAYING THAT AS A FUNNY CONNOTATION TO THE WHOLE ALIEN THING????????????????????????????????????????????? I WISH I KNEW YOUR REASONING, MILEY. I DO.

And then there is the whole topless twitter pic thing, because having that type of punk-hair WITH a shirt ON and COVERING your body would be totally preposterous.

What does Liam H. think of your shenans???? Does he ACTUALLY like your hair??? Is that why y'all are so on and off??? BE SERIOUS. HE DUMPED YOU.

I also recently, ten minutes ago, learned that you call your fans "smilers" as a play off of your name, I can only assume. This was during one of your tweet-preaches, in which you tell your "smilers" about people with "'Swift' and 'Gomez' in their name"...... SO SUBTLE OF YOU.

Kind wishes,
A girl who's actually been to Roswell

Dear Hot Mess Bynes,

I'm just trying to figure out when you went from being the funny, mean girl in Easy A to being a melting pot of Lindsay Lohan, a trash can and hair bleach. What went wrong??? FOR THE LOVE OF DRAKE LYRICS, WHAT WHAT WHAT WENT WRONG WITH AMANDA BYNES?????? WHERE WERE THE RED FLAGS?????????????????? IT WAS LIKE 0 TO 60, OVERNIGHT, NO WARNINGS, BOOM, BAM, THANK YOU, MAM, AMAND'S A TRAN.

Does Drake know of your obsession with him????? Watch it, Bynes, PAPA'S A RAPPER. HE'S GONNA RAP ABOUT YOU AND SOMETHING TELLS ME "MAKE ME PROUD" OR "OH YOU FANCY HUH" WILL NOT BE REFERENCED AND OR INVOLVED.

In anticipation of your valued response,
A past Amanda Show watcher

P.S.
I don't even know know........okay. ok. so much to say yet so speechless at at once. ok.okay.

Dear Female Twerk-version of Jesus himself (Rihanna AKA @Badgalriri),

What do you eat? Your body is rude. I would personally like to know what you nourish yourself with. I don't remember you always being so interesting looking. In fact, when you started out, you were preh-tee rough. It's okay, the early 2000's, 2K, wasn't good to any of us.

woof

double woof

meow

VERY FEW OF YOUR INSTAGRAM FOLLOWERS BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY ATE THAT CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE.

We all wish we were as bad as badgalriri.

BUT YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN ON THE DRUNKSTAGRAMMING. LITTLE IMPRESSIONABLE GIRLS EVERYWHERE (me) ARE PROBABLY FOLLOWING YOU AND WONDERING HOW BLACK PEOPLE CAN HAVE LUSCIOUS BLONDE HAIR or something.

Fond regards,
Badgalsassy

5.06.2013

Is this considered live blogging? (drinking coffee at Gatsbys)

today:

My spanish class met at Jimenez Bakery this morning for our last class of the semester.

In house latte at Gatsby Coffee house has won my stamp of approval.
I WILL ENDORSE YOUR SKILLS ON LINKEDIN.

This. Music. I. Die.
#sTuDyJaMz

»---➣

Currently posted up at Gatsby's Coffee House. Literally drinking the latte and listening to the music in the 2nd and 3rd pics seen above. Like, I'm live blogging. Hi. Me in real time. It's like watching live sports.

If you are a regular reader, (HI ALL THREE OF YOU), you will get why this is a blog-moment. #LubbockBucketList

#CanIGoJustThreeSentencesWithoutHashTagging

#Evidentlynot

5.05.2013

Disclaimer: FOOD PICS INVOLVED.

Super entertaining stuff right here. What blog dreams are made of.

This meal became my "#WHOLE30 GO-TO IM FUNGRY AND NEED TO EAT ASAP" meal. It's made of healthy ingredients I can VIOLENTLY THROW together and eat in a mad starving after-work-pre-group-project-allnighter ordeal.

This pasta. This. Pasta. You'll never know you're on a "clean" eating kick with this stuff. Whole wheat pasta, mushrooms, spinach, natural tomato sauce, parm cheese. Hellllloooooo. hello.

Hi rushed morning to internship breakfast/snack/coffee.

I call this my "THROW EVERYTHING INTO A BOWL AND HEAT IT" delicacy. Beautifully photoed here, we have red pepper soup, mushrooms, herbs and quinoa.

So I made this pasta a lot.

FEELIN' FRUITY

Not pictured in this photo-pic-storage-post..... Ben & Jerry's ice cream during long hours at the study lounge with the campaigns group project peeps...... Josie's burrito after pulling an all nighter with said group project...... wine and italian food with the sister in Dallas......... Kappa Kupcake on senior night....... AND CHIMY'S TACOS IN THERE SOMEWHERE. #30DAYCLEANEATINGCHALLENGE