"Get a few people to tell you that you can't do it." -Ryan's First #30dayclean Post

Clean eating (n.) – the process a person (usually mentally unstable) goes through which deprives their body of any and all things that taste good in order to be healthier by consuming food fit for rabbits and small rodents.

My self portrait as of last Sunday.

So last Sunday, Augusta says “ I’m going to start a clean eating challenge for a month!” I read it and think “What the hell does that mean? Does she shower with her food before she eats it?” So I look it up and start researching and it is actually an eating lifestyle (for lack of a better phrase) that is not that hard to follow. For normal eaters. Which does not include me. I’m not saying I’ve been known to eat a block of cheese for dinner and call it good, but I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO EAT A BLOCK OF CHEESE FOR DINNER AND CALL IT GOOD.  So taking this challenge has been a bit harder for me, but it is probably worth it because now I will live past the age of 31.

When I first told people I was going to do this, there were a variety of reactions.

Roommate 1 – You’re never going to do that.

Roommate 2 – Good for you! (which means “you’re never going to do that.”)

All of my friends – Ooooohhhhh!!!! (He’s never going to do that.)

My mother – YOU’RE GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS WHAT ABOUT WHEN WE GO ON VACATION CAN YOU STILL EAT BEEF AND OREOS AND RANCH DRESSING etc.

And my personal favorite…

My boyfriend – Ohhh awesome! I’ll do it with you! (At this point I am thinking wow finally, a supportive soul. Then he continues.) As long as I can still have Taco Bell and Cheezits. Oh and coffee. Also alcohol. And crème brûlée should it pop up. Also if you turn vegan we are going to have to think things over.

So after weighing everyone’s opinion and realizing that my digestive preferences are apparently a subject of national security, I decide to do this.


WORST IDEA. I HAVE EVER. HAD. IN MY LIFE.


Let me put this into perspective for you. I am a person who works 60+ hours a week on top of going to school full time. I barely have time to stand in line to ORDER dinner, let alone make it myself. In addition to that, I LOVE TO EAT UNHEALTHY FOODS. Cheese, steak, burritos, sour cream, cheese, cookies, sugar, cheese, pasta, white bread, cheese.

My senior picture.

That being said, after I cried for a few days and decided not to give up alcohol, clean eating is NOT that hard. I feel noticeably better physically. It is not as time consuming as I thought, and you can actually make some great meals that aren’t just made from lettuce and despair. One of my favorites is a stir-fry of sorts. The recipe is as follows (everything all natural and organic, of course) –

Ryan's Favorite Stir Fry

• Broccoli
• Carrots
• Edamame
• Chicken breast
• Pecans
• Parmesan cheese
• Olive oil & balsamic vinegar

Now mix that shit in a pan, turn on the heat, stir vigorously until you’re tired (so around 27 seconds,) and VOILA. YOU HAVE YOURSELF A CLEAN MEAL.


Alright, now that I have given you both a recipe and humorous banter, it’s time for me to go to class. 

However, if you decide you want to try clean eating, I have some tips for you.

1. DO NOT give up alcohol or coffee. I gave up alcohol for the first 3 days and it was so miserable. I don’t know how Lindsey Lohan is going to do it when she goes to rehab, but girl, my thoughts are with you.
2. Look up clean eating grocery lists online! You’d be surprised at how much you can actually have that is considered “clean.”
3. Get a few people to tell you that you can’t do it. This always helps me do something because I’m stubborn and always have to be right, so if I have the opportunity to prove someone wrong, I am gonna hop on that ASAP.

That’s all I have for right now. I haven’t broken it yet, which is astonishing. More later. If I survive.
-Ryan