You do not need your eyes checked to read this title: I AM OVER ALCOHOL

it is my birthday. 

I should start out this post, BEFORE YOU CAST YOUR JUDGMENTAL STARES ON YOUR COMPUTER/IPHONE SCREEN, by stating yesterday was my twenty second year celebration of being alive. As goes with celebrations, alcohol was involved. 

On a contrasting note, nothing to do with my birthday, I keep hearing variations of the following phrase:

"It's our last semester in college. We have one month left. WE HAVE TO PARTY AND GET BLACKOUT EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND AND MONDAY AND TUESDAY."

The pressure????????@#*()!@#$?!!!!!! Wait, so on top of doing everything it takes to graduate, figuring out the logistics of what's happening AFTER we graduate, staying on top of going to class and studying for exams, plus some of us have jobs and internships, AND SOME OF US HAVE BOTH OF THOSE, now you're telling me THAT I HAVE TO DRINK 5-6 NIGHTS A WEEK TO FULLY GET THE MOST OUT OF MY COLLEGE EXPERIENCE?????????????? THIS IS EXHAUSTING. 

But, yes, let's go take advantage of the March Madness dollar beer deals and not even watch basketball. Then let's go to Crickets for karaoke because it's Monday and yolo and yogo (you only graduate once) and all that. 

That's been about the mentality.

But after the big 2-2, I'm just sooo.... over it. ARE THERE NO OTHER WAYS TO CELEBRATE OUR LAST MONTH OF SCHOOL???????? Personally, I'd like to try all the hole-in-the-ass-wall coffee shops all around Lubbock. Lubbock HAS SO MANY RANDOM ASS COFFEE SHOPS. IT'S MILDLY BIZARRE. WHAT IS THAT???? I happen to thoroughly enjoy coffee and different creamers and who knows, maybe I want to wake up on a Saturday morning and go to that Gatsby's place, solely because it is called Gatsby's, and who knows, maybe I want to find out why. 

Where is the person that says variations of the following phrase:

"It's our last semester in college. We have one month left. WE HAVE TO GO VISIT ALL THE HAUNTED PLACES IN LUBBOCK AND GO HAVE A PICNIC IN THAT ONE RANDOM SCENIC SPOT WITH TREES AND CREEK AND SNEAK INTO MULTIPLE MOVIES AT THAT NEW IMAX THEATRE PLACE."

Where is THAT person?? I heard the airport parking lot was haunted LET'S MAKE LIKE GHOST ADVENTURES AND GET CREEPED OUT.

What about my stupid DIY/CRAFTS pinterest board??? What about that??? Maybe I'd ACTUALLY like to do something from that board???? A FOREIGN THOUGHT---TO ACTUALLY DO THE THINGS YOU PIN------~~~~~~~ btw here is my crafts board :>

There are legitimate books I've owned for years with intentions of reading and never actually reading. I AM SORRY PRIDE AND PREJIDUCE. BE MORE INTERESTING IN THE FIRST 20 PAGES, MAMA HAS ADD. Would it be the end of the world if I stayed in ON A FRIDAY NIGHT and read something???????????????????????????

Card games. Board games. Getting retardedly competitive. Baking. Cooking. Talking. Asking "would you rather" questions. Wig shopping. Why isn't wig shopping a normal thing people do? How fun is wig shopping? WHY AREN'T WE WIG SHOPPING, PEOPLE???????????????????????????

Have you ever just sat down with someone, over an assortment of cheeses, grapes, crackers and wine, and listened to blues--NO TV-- and just TALKED to them and not HALF talking to them HALF texting someone else HALF checking Twitter HALF looking through instagram ETC ETC ETC???? You should try it. People don't do that nearly enough. 

GEN Y: LISTEN TO MUSIC THAT YOUR PARENTS DID GROWING UP. 

Click here: sing to me, otis

When did girls nights lose their sparkle??? Remember high school when you and your 4 frenemies would plan a night to gossip, smear green age-defying goop on your faces, paint each other's nails--with REAL NAIL POLISH, NOT THAT IMPRESSION/NAIL STICKER CRAP--eat junk food, listen to girly jams (BEIBER!!!!), and wear cute PJ's??????????????? Maybe I want to do that. Sue me. Sue me. Maybe I want to have a girls night. Maybe I want to have a girls night with guys and force them to let me paint their nails and wear a face mask. Sue me. Sue me. 

I would like to buy every single brand of dark chocolate I can find and spend one entire night deciding on my VERY favorite brand/taste of dark chocolate. And then be extremely brand loyal to that dark chocolate, and follow it on every social media account and tweet about it when I'm eating it and wait for them to tweet me back and freak out like it's a big deal. 

Road trip to a random, weird nearby city that looks like it has the population of 3 homeless people. Take pictures there. WHY NOT???? WHY. IT'S A DAY TRIP. Imagine if you weren't hungover to death on a Saturday and drove to Muleshoe and just did random things there and realized GAWD MULESHOE IS SO LAME but be having so much fun and getting back to Lubbock and feeling like it's Vegas compared to the dump-town you just left. 

Entire seasons of The Office. Entire seasons of GIRLS. Or Sex and the City. Or Nip/Tuck. I hear Nip/Tuck is great. I've never seen it. Maybe I'd like to. Maybe I want to stay in one night and eat homemade popcorn--POPPED FROM THE STOVE--and watch ENTIRE SEASONS of a TV show. WHAT THE EF IS THE STATUS OF CHUCK AND BLAIR????? I WOULDN'T KNOW. 

In conclusion...

My friends are going to read this and text me 4 lines of the granny emoji, but I'M NOT SORRY Y'ALL. Today I was on my deathbed, my throat feels and sounds like it went through a coffee grinder today after violently regurgitating my insides, AND I JUST KIND OF WISH MY DAY HAD PLAYED OUT DIFFERENTLY STARTING WITH LAST NIGHT PLAYING OUT DIFFERENTLY HASH TAG TOO MANY FREE SHOTS HASH TAG THANKS BUT NO THANKS FOR ALL THE FREE SHOTS HASH TAG I DON'T WANT THIS HASH TAG TOOK IT ANYWAY. 

Enforcing a new personal 18th amendment.