Things I wrote down in 2013

Because Proverbs and 2 Chainz lyrics are synonymous in some cultures. 

SOMEONE SMACK THAT IN A PINTEREST BOARD. 

I laid down to read some Fitzgerald, but instead started flipping through a journal I kept all semester. So just in case I haven't embarrassed myself enough through this blog, LET'S REVIEW SOME OF MY WRITTEN MUSINGS, SHALL WE.

• "A lot of life lessons this semester. I can't seem to keep my room clean to save my life. I wish I didn't need sleep."

Literally, that was all in one thought. 

• "I love the moment when you can feel someone's attitude about you give in--when you win their respect."

Hash tag deep.

• "I should have said no to going out these past few times that I did."

I probably also tweeted that.

• "I can't decide if this semester went by slow or fast but I feel like I'm different."

Oh. Self discovery moment.

• "What are you doing right now? Why do I care?"

HAHA.

• "Being single for a year has been the best thing for me. It's forced me to learn so much about myself and become my own biggest fan and best friend."

EVERYONE SHOULD BE SINGLE FOR A CHUNK OF COLLEGE, JUST MY TWO CENTS.

• "I want to really grasp onto my 20s. I want to do tons of cool shit."

I mean, I kind of want a shirt of that last sentence. Or a sticker. Who doesn't want a shirt or sticker that says that. 

• "Why am I so weird?"

The most normal question asked in the whole journal. 

Plz look up ☝

Dear Prudence,..... look up. 

You may now be noticing that the chief has a new blog design/header for her teepee.

Made the header on a lil thing called "photoshop" you may have heard of it.
THANK YOU CS6.

THANK YOU ADOBE STUDENT DISCOUNT.

WHY DIDN'T I BUY THE CS EARLIER IN LIFE. 

WHY.

that's all.

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

»---➣

☠ 

Look good while you twerk--I MEAN WORK.

For those who aren't in my *eLiTe cLoSe CiRcLe oF cRoNiEz & hOmiEz*, I'm moving to Dallas this week for a social media internship with D Magazine--STOOOKKKKEEEEDDDDD*

In accordance to my new future lifestyle, I've realized a few things:

WELCOME TO TECH

• Wait, so the rest of the world doesn't wear XXXXXXL kappa tees and nike shorts on week days.....(?)
• The "work" clothes I wore to my job at chrome... are likely NOT acceptable as work clothes in the rest of the real world.... (if there is an advertising agency thats accepting of high waist denim cut offs, sheer tops, combat boots, turbans or skull jewelry, JST HLLER ATCHA GRL)
• Hmm so the only clothes I own are class or chrome/going out clothes. Basically. 

Here is some stuff I recently purchased for the #worklyfe 

or should I say #unpaidinternshiplyfe #whtvr #yougettheidea

Bisou Bisou peplum top
jcpenney.com

Forever 21
forever21.com

H M embroidered jacket
$46 - hm.com

Bisou Bisou printed jeans
jcpenney.com

Forever 21 tuxedo stripe pants
forever21.com

Forever 21 flat shoes
forever21.com

Forever 21 bib necklace
forever21.com

Essie beauty product
nordstrom.com

I purchased all the items exact above except different versions of the necklace and white blazer.

I own a pair of "dress pants" but let's be real about nice dress pants from Bealls circa 2009.... like  I don't want to even talk about it. No. I think I've reached the point in my life where I finally have enough self respect to not wear pants that a 49 year old could easily be wearing whilst selling furniture. Nothing wrong with furniture salesmen or 49 year olds. I'm just making a self-pants-situation-analysis. SO I decided to buy into the tuxedo-stripe pants trend. My mom said they looked like work out pants?????? She was also concerned about the nude/gold studded flats. "Is your boss going to think you're a gothic?" OH, MOM. LOL. #SH!TMOMZSAY

I think in most office settings, denim is okay as long is it's a nice, clean (and, well CUTE) choice. Print denim has taken over, and honestly, I make like Creed and welcome it with arms wide open because I'm obsessed. These white/floral ones R LYKE TOTES SUMMER/ROMANCE/CHIC--HAD TO HAVE.

I also bought a leather pencil skirt and a shirt that says "PUG NATION" in a nice/casual sans serif bold typeface that you can't miss, even with your fuzzy drunk googles, but I mean, you know, I guess I can't exactly include those items in my "work staples" collage. I mean. I guess.

Other recent purchases...

"Anything Goes" bag, except mine is THIS color

Meet my new GGL functionals. 

It was time to retire my make up holders circa walmart circa 2010

these are literally the sizes and colors I bought--RECOMIENDO TODOS....  that's likely to be incorrect spanish. 

See all functionals here. They rock.
GGL IF YOU'RE READING, FIRST OF ALL, hallo, SECOND OF ALL, HIRE ME FOR SOMETHING. I'LL BE THE OFFICE JANITOR. ANYTHING. PLZ. THANX.


*Handshaking the line of important people during the graduation ceremony, I may or may not have said the word, "s t o k e d" to the chancellor of Texas Tech as I shook his hand. So there's that. #ohmemories

#pugnation

»---➣

Glad to be a Grad

Last August, my conversations were something to the effect of the following:

"This is your LAST year of college!! You're a senior! Then you're entering the REAL WORLD!" -someone 

THAT IS THE MEANEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO ME. -my thoughts 

"Yaayy!"

"Are you excited to be done??!!" -someone

YEAH I HATE PARTYING AND DOING WHATEVER I WANT AND LIVING OFF MY PARENTS, I CANT WAIT FOR THAT TO BE OVER, I'D REALLY MUCH RATHER WORK 9-5 EVERY DAY AND PAY MY OWN BILLS. -my thoughts

"What are you going to do after you graduate?!" -someone

LOL IDK YOLO -my thoughts

 "Oh, I'm still working on that!"


In essence, I REALLY did not want to leave the college life. 
I didn't want to leave my friends, I didn't want to have to worry about supporting myself, didn't want to leave Lubbock, didn't want to miss out on Chimy's happy hour and didn't want to think about the real world. Didn't want to go. Wasn't ready to leave. "I LOVE COLLEGE I WANT TO LIVE HERE FOREVER I WANT TO CHANGE MY MAJOR 8 MORE TIMES," I would tell people. It really disturbed me to get my head around the fact that this was my last year of my red raider days. End of game days, end of Broadway St memories with my hoodrat friends, end of memories of Kappa, end of all the classes I actually enjoyed, end, end, end end endendendendndenndnndnendndndnnenenendnend

Fast forward to the end of senior year. 
A 180 degree change of heart has taken place. I have so many great memories here in Lubbock with great people and great places, but it can't go on forever. I am so ready to meet new people and fall into different lifestyles, patterns, routines and make my own money. In August, I was so resistant to the idea of change and leaving everything I've become so comfortable with here. Now I'm so ready to get somewhere new and experience a change of pace.

This graduation weekend was perfect and wonderful. Could not have asked for a better one.

grad outfit inspo--BY NONE OTHER THAN THE BIG B.E. 

accidental photos just turn out the best 

feels good to KICK OFF THOSE SUCKERS. 

These loub babies were a christmas present. I cried. Literally..... like bawled. 

My mom snapped some pics of me around campus the afternoon after I graduated and they turned out so well! Party time Fran needed a lot of direction on the photo taking--A CAREER IN WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHY IS NOT IN HER FUTURE--but she was a super trooper snapping me in the heat of the afternoon.

Graduation is such a happy and fun time... but honestly... I'm GLAD it's over. It will be nice to not be the center of everyone's focus after the shiny "I AM GRADUATING COLLEGE" sign on my forehead has faded and lost its luster. Don't get me wrong, I DO ATTENTION VERY WELL, but I'll be glad when I can have a conversation with someone that doesn't end up on the topic of my graduation and plans afterwards. THERE MAY ACTUALLY BE OTHER TOPICS THE COURSE OF THE CONVERSATION COULD TAKE--STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE OF #LIFEAFTERGRADUATION

see you on vine. 

»---➣

Just be pale.

There is nothing wrong with being tan.

Unless you're naturally pale. I think people (girls) are under the impression that if you are tan, you are cool and beautiful. 

What they aren't aware of, is if that you are tan you look like this: 

the "i'm going through a phase" shade

the "everything you touch turns orange" shade

reminds me of desert

50 shades of skin cancer

apricot face

carrot human

after you scrape off the burnt part of toast

Girls should just be pale. 

Or whatever color their skin is without having to pay someone to lay in a machine that ages you and gives you premature wrinkles. Nothing says "I AM TRYING SO HARD TO IMPRESS EVERYONE" quite like a tanning bed. 

Take a lesson from The Few, The Proud...... the marines er pale bitches. 

Nasty Gal lookbook 2013--A PALE MERMAID FROLICKING IN THE OCEAN. YES. ON POINT.

HER LEG ISN'T EVEN IN THE PIC AND IT'S STUNNING

LIKE THE FEMALE VERSION OF THE AMERICAN FLAG. 

MIGHT AS WELL BE A GUCCI SPF 90 AD

ONCE REGINA GEORGE WORE ARMY PANTS AND FLIP FLOPS AND WAS PALE SO I WORE ARMY PANTS AND FLIP FLOPS AND WAS PALE.

SOME PALE BAD ASS IN A HAT

Be kind to yourself this summer. Wear sunscreen. Every day. Wear a hat. Your 50 year old nearly-wrinkle-free self will thank you.

Letters to Miley, Amanda and Badgalriri

Dear Miley Cyrus (leader of Smilers),

Has your hair cut gone to your head???? Your on and off engagement, tweet-preaching and TWITTER BIO are all just getting out of hand.

WHY MILEY??? WHY????? FIRST OF ALL---THIS YOUNG JOC/MIKE JONES SONG DATES BACK TO THE PREHISTORIC ERA--WHEN YOU WERE STILL FASHIONING YOURSELF AS HANNAH MONTANA.

SECOND OF ALL--I BELIEVE YOU MADE A TYPO. WHERE IT SAYS "BIG" BEHIND. YOUR 90 LB SPIKED HAIR ASS IS NOT "BIG" AND FOR YOU TO ACCENTUATE THAT IN ALL CAPS IS HILARIOUS. IT'S COMEDY.

THIRDLY---ROSWELL????????????? ROSWELL??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHY??????????????????????? NEW MEXICO??????? ARE YOU SAYING THAT AS A FUNNY CONNOTATION TO THE WHOLE ALIEN THING????????????????????????????????????????????? I WISH I KNEW YOUR REASONING, MILEY. I DO.

And then there is the whole topless twitter pic thing, because having that type of punk-hair WITH a shirt ON and COVERING your body would be totally preposterous.

What does Liam H. think of your shenans???? Does he ACTUALLY like your hair??? Is that why y'all are so on and off??? BE SERIOUS. HE DUMPED YOU.

I also recently, ten minutes ago, learned that you call your fans "smilers" as a play off of your name, I can only assume. This was during one of your tweet-preaches, in which you tell your "smilers" about people with  "'Swift' and 'Gomez' in their name"...... SO SUBTLE OF YOU.

Kind wishes, 
A girl who's actually been to Roswell


Dear Hot Mess Bynes,

I'm just trying to figure out when you went from being the funny, mean girl in Easy A to being a melting pot of Lindsay Lohan, a trash can and hair bleach. What went wrong??? FOR THE LOVE OF DRAKE LYRICS, WHAT WHAT WHAT WENT WRONG WITH AMANDA BYNES?????? WHERE WERE THE RED FLAGS?????????????????? IT WAS LIKE 0 TO 60, OVERNIGHT, NO WARNINGS, BOOM, BAM, THANK YOU, MAM, AMAND'S A TRAN.

Does Drake know of your obsession with him????? Watch it, Bynes, PAPA'S A RAPPER. HE'S GONNA RAP ABOUT YOU AND SOMETHING TELLS ME "MAKE ME PROUD" OR "OH YOU FANCY HUH" WILL NOT BE REFERENCED AND OR INVOLVED.

In anticipation of your valued response,
A past Amanda Show watcher

P.S.
I don't even know know........okay. ok. so much to say yet so speechless at at once. ok.okay.


Dear Female Twerk-version of Jesus himself (Rihanna AKA @Badgalriri), 

What do you eat? Your body is rude. I would personally like to know what you nourish yourself with. I don't remember you always being so interesting looking. In fact, when you started out, you were preh-tee rough. It's okay, the early 2000's, 2K, wasn't good to any of us.

woof

double woof

meow

VERY FEW OF YOUR INSTAGRAM FOLLOWERS BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY ATE THAT CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE.

We all wish we were as bad as badgalriri.

BUT YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN ON THE DRUNKSTAGRAMMING. LITTLE IMPRESSIONABLE GIRLS EVERYWHERE (me) ARE PROBABLY FOLLOWING YOU AND WONDERING HOW BLACK PEOPLE CAN HAVE LUSCIOUS BLONDE HAIR or something.

Fond regards, 
Badgalsassy