Letters to Miley, Amanda and Badgalriri

Dear Miley Cyrus (leader of Smilers),

Has your hair cut gone to your head???? Your on and off engagement, tweet-preaching and TWITTER BIO are all just getting out of hand.

WHY MILEY??? WHY????? FIRST OF ALL---THIS YOUNG JOC/MIKE JONES SONG DATES BACK TO THE PREHISTORIC ERA--WHEN YOU WERE STILL FASHIONING YOURSELF AS HANNAH MONTANA.

SECOND OF ALL--I BELIEVE YOU MADE A TYPO. WHERE IT SAYS "BIG" BEHIND. YOUR 90 LB SPIKED HAIR ASS IS NOT "BIG" AND FOR YOU TO ACCENTUATE THAT IN ALL CAPS IS HILARIOUS. IT'S COMEDY.

THIRDLY---ROSWELL????????????? ROSWELL??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHY??????????????????????? NEW MEXICO??????? ARE YOU SAYING THAT AS A FUNNY CONNOTATION TO THE WHOLE ALIEN THING????????????????????????????????????????????? I WISH I KNEW YOUR REASONING, MILEY. I DO.

And then there is the whole topless twitter pic thing, because having that type of punk-hair WITH a shirt ON and COVERING your body would be totally preposterous.

What does Liam H. think of your shenans???? Does he ACTUALLY like your hair??? Is that why y'all are so on and off??? BE SERIOUS. HE DUMPED YOU.

I also recently, ten minutes ago, learned that you call your fans "smilers" as a play off of your name, I can only assume. This was during one of your tweet-preaches, in which you tell your "smilers" about people with  "'Swift' and 'Gomez' in their name"...... SO SUBTLE OF YOU.

Kind wishes, 
A girl who's actually been to Roswell


Dear Hot Mess Bynes,

I'm just trying to figure out when you went from being the funny, mean girl in Easy A to being a melting pot of Lindsay Lohan, a trash can and hair bleach. What went wrong??? FOR THE LOVE OF DRAKE LYRICS, WHAT WHAT WHAT WENT WRONG WITH AMANDA BYNES?????? WHERE WERE THE RED FLAGS?????????????????? IT WAS LIKE 0 TO 60, OVERNIGHT, NO WARNINGS, BOOM, BAM, THANK YOU, MAM, AMAND'S A TRAN.

Does Drake know of your obsession with him????? Watch it, Bynes, PAPA'S A RAPPER. HE'S GONNA RAP ABOUT YOU AND SOMETHING TELLS ME "MAKE ME PROUD" OR "OH YOU FANCY HUH" WILL NOT BE REFERENCED AND OR INVOLVED.

In anticipation of your valued response,
A past Amanda Show watcher

P.S.
I don't even know know........okay. ok. so much to say yet so speechless at at once. ok.okay.


Dear Female Twerk-version of Jesus himself (Rihanna AKA @Badgalriri), 

What do you eat? Your body is rude. I would personally like to know what you nourish yourself with. I don't remember you always being so interesting looking. In fact, when you started out, you were preh-tee rough. It's okay, the early 2000's, 2K, wasn't good to any of us.

woof

double woof

meow

VERY FEW OF YOUR INSTAGRAM FOLLOWERS BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY ATE THAT CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE.

We all wish we were as bad as badgalriri.

BUT YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN ON THE DRUNKSTAGRAMMING. LITTLE IMPRESSIONABLE GIRLS EVERYWHERE (me) ARE PROBABLY FOLLOWING YOU AND WONDERING HOW BLACK PEOPLE CAN HAVE LUSCIOUS BLONDE HAIR or something.

Fond regards, 
Badgalsassy